Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
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