Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
