I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
