can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
