You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He has the fingertips of a God
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