You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
