it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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