Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
