I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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