Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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