can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize