I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
