so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
