You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
