I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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