Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?