how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
