i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
