I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
