tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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