I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize