I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
