My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize