If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.