You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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