i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
