you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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