Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
