im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
