I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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