yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
