I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
