I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
