haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Panties = found
Randomize
