I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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