if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
