is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
