i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
be right there i have to get my cape
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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