i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
