i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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