fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
