I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
