It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
