I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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