like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
