I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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