I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
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If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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