This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
