Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
