Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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