Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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