i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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