Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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