woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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