she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
