I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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