she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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