a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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