I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
