Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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