I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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