Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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