well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
