allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Even my vagina gasped.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
