You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
